Duff and I have gone through numerous names throughout the years. When we first met I immediately referred to him as Liza, as he has a striking resemblance to Liza Minnelli!! The eyebrows, the nose, the hair! It's all there! Liza then started calling me Judy Garland, which didn't really work out as I look nothing like her. As the Sass name developed, we became "Liza and Sass". Or actually, "Sass and Liza." There. Much better. We have also been mistaken for various celebrities. Liza bared a strong resemblance to Bruno in the movie "Bruno." On a trip to the Mall of America, it was not uncommon to hear Bruno! just get shouted from somewhere. However, that changed when we got to another part of the Mall where Chaz (famous hair/skin person) was doing a live demo. The employees immediately thought Liza was Chaz, making me some other celebrity like Ellen DeGeneres or Joan Rivers I guess! That was a trip! As we both developed a liking for the hit show Arrested Development (when is the movie coming out???), Liza was of course called Lucille 2 because the real Liza portrayed that character. That made me Lucille Bluth played by the fabulous Jessica Walters! The Lucilles have enjoyed many exploits together and even have a drink named after them, which can only be made by our bartender friend Jess aka Siren!!
Liza and I have had some classic moments during our many nights out on the town. I will highlight just a few of the better ones. One evening started out at our dear friend Samuel's (Pepper's) house. Before you even guess, yes everyone has a nickname! As we were hanging at Pepper's house on the back deck, I somehow lost my balance and fell over backwards off of the deck to the ground below. There was a group gasp from the crowd, but I'm like a rubber band and was fine. We were also at Toads in Cedar Falls one night when a strange man came up to our group and accused Liza of "packing heat" in his backpack. Now if any of you know Liza, he does not exactly look like the type of person who would "pack heat". Lip gloss perhaps. Then there was the time we went out in the Twin Cities with some friends and I had to tell my friend to get up off of the bar stools that she was laying on. I finally told her that her dress was riding up and we could see her Spanx! The bartender gave me a free drink for that comment because it was the funniest thing he had heard all night! And one of my all time favorite moments was at the Cypress Lounge. Liza and I were chatting with our friends when a crazy man walked up to us and demanded we start dancing. We both said no and he demanded that we dance because he had put fifty cents in the jukebox just to see us dance. He then grabbed Liza and I called security and told him that it took a lot more than fifty cents for dancing to happen! One thing we have learned is that if there is a crazy person in the room, they will gravitate to Liza and me! It always happens!!! Bible!!!
Liza has always had a great sense of style. Liza and I have both taken our fashion risks and we have had our winners and our losers. Here are some of my favorite Liza fashion moments. Liza has always been in favor of a fitted t shirt. I have many time accused Liza of wearing a childs sized t shirt. I mean fitted!! And my favorite Liza t shirt is the deep V!! Liza showed up for a fun night in a deep V and then a rosarie necklace to boot!! It was fabulous!! And quite a conversation starter!! The talk of the night!! That's my Liza! Liza has also sported such famous looks as the turban, the bolero wrap, a half zip pullover, glitter pants, and then there's my favorite look, DRAG!!! I had the opportunity to see Liza do drag under the name of Oopsie Daisy many years ago. The outfit was stunning, but the choreography was a little sketchy. At one point Liza went for a pole jump followed by a swingaround, but on the slide down he hit his booty on a chair. Ouch!! Then after the dismount, his left stiletto got really unstable and some stumbling ensued. As an always supportive friend, I shouted "steady your stiletto!! steady your stiletto!!" I'm sure Liza could also write a whole section on my fashion dares, such as fashion scarves (which I love!!), vests, sporty kicks, and all of my hair styles!!! Enough said!!
Liza and I got to work together at the Gap before it closed in Waterloo. What fun we had there!! Liza and I would communicate via our headsets, which no one could hear. Later the headsets went just to the walkie and my walkie was always on with maximum volume!! On a famous day, my walkie clicked to life and our manager announced that she and Liza were eating donuts and drinking coffee in the office and would be out on the sales floor soon. Because my volume was maxed out everyone in the store heard it loud and clear!! Classic. Liza was also not afraid to send bossy, rude Asian women to the back of the line when they tried to cut in front of everyone else and yell prices in their face. A famous moment was the woman that Liza shouted the price at. From across the store I hear "4.25!!!". I then said in my headset that I couldn't hear him up front, thinking my sarcasm was obvious. Oh no. Liza shouts even louder "4.25!!!!!" It became our schtick to yell that price point whenever it came up on the register which was actually quite often!
I could go on forever about Sass and Liza. We have had some incredible moments in our friendship and they continue to happen!! We are two forces of nature that bring the perfect storm whenever we go somewhere. Liza was with me for the infamous episode only known as Bee. Before the Stuffed Olive was open, that building was the Cypress Lounge. We always called it the mafia bar because of the shag carpet on the floor and walls, and the candles on the tables. On one of our visits to the Cypress, I ran into the character that is Bee. Let me describe Bee in a nutshell. Built like a small man (flat butt, beer belly, mullet haircut, glasses, much like a good lesbian!). Liza sat down at our table wearing a turban and I went to order a drink. On my way back to the table I encountered Bee standing in front of me. Bee was intoxicated so I couldn't understand what she was saying, but I finally figured out that she was accusing me of stealing twenty dollars from her. She thought I picked up a $20 bill off of the floor. I tried to pass and she would not let me. People at the bar were starting to place their bets for the face off. The situation was going nowhere so my plan was to put my leg behind her and push her so she would topple over and I would then run. In her intoxicated state she would have gone down easily. Liza, however, sat and watched the whole scene unfold. Thanks Liza!! I finally passed by Bee and went to our table, even though she was shouting that I was a thief. After that night, I figured I would never see this person again. Wrong. Dead wrong. Months later some friends were hanging at the Blue Room Lounge and invited me over. I went and when the bartender showed her face, it was, guess who....Bee!!! She basically refused to serve me. Ok Drama.. Then I ran into her at Kum n Go and she proceeded to tell the manager to keep an eye on me as I have been known to steal! Drama again. I have half a mind at this point to just give her $20 so she will shut up, but I have my pride!!!
I really think that this friendship has the potential for a reality show. Liza and Sass!! Or... Sass and Liza!!! Yes, definitely Sass and Liza!! I hope you have enjoyed a little glimpse into our world. There will be more stories to come! Peace..
Thanks for sharing! I have many fun Sass & Liza nights out! My kids love you both!
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