Sass & Liza: Top Moments in Friendship

This blog has been a long time in the making and I have to warn people that it could get racy here!!! When it comes to classic friendships (LuVerne & Shirley, Lucy & Ethel, Thelma & Louise) that have endured the test of time, my friendship with Bryant Duffy is right at the top of the list!! Since the moment we became friends it was apparent we had a WOW factor and could bring it to any room. As we were driving to Des Moines on Monday, Bryant and I started to list some top moments in our years of friendship. Mind you this just covers the tip of the iceberg for us!!!

Duff and I have gone through numerous names throughout the years. When we first met I immediately referred to him as Liza, as he has a striking resemblance to Liza Minnelli!! The eyebrows, the nose, the hair! It's all there! Liza then started calling me Judy Garland, which didn't really work out as I look nothing like her. As the Sass name developed, we became "Liza and Sass". Or actually, "Sass and Liza." There. Much better. We have also been mistaken for various celebrities. Liza bared a strong resemblance to Bruno in the movie "Bruno." On a trip to the Mall of America, it was not uncommon to hear Bruno! just get shouted from somewhere. However, that changed when we got to another part of the Mall where Chaz (famous hair/skin person) was doing a live demo. The employees immediately thought Liza was Chaz, making me some other celebrity like Ellen DeGeneres or Joan Rivers I guess! That was a trip! As we both developed a liking for the hit show Arrested Development (when is the movie coming out???), Liza was of course called Lucille 2 because the real Liza portrayed that character. That made me Lucille Bluth played by the fabulous Jessica Walters! The Lucilles have enjoyed many exploits together and even have a drink named after them, which can only be made by our bartender friend Jess aka Siren!!

Liza and I have had some classic moments during our many nights out on the town. I will highlight just a few of the better ones. One evening started out at our dear friend Samuel's (Pepper's) house. Before you even guess, yes everyone has a nickname! As we were hanging at Pepper's house on the back deck, I somehow lost my balance and fell over backwards off of the deck to the ground below. There was a group gasp from the crowd, but I'm like a rubber band and was fine. We were also at Toads in Cedar Falls one night when a strange man came up to our group and accused Liza of "packing heat" in his backpack. Now if any of you know Liza, he does not exactly look like the type of person who would "pack heat". Lip gloss perhaps. Then there was the time we went out in the Twin Cities with some friends and I had to tell my friend to get up off of the bar stools that she was laying on. I finally told her that her dress was riding up and we could see her Spanx! The bartender gave me a free drink for that comment because it was the funniest thing he had heard all night! And one of my all time favorite moments was at the Cypress Lounge. Liza and I were chatting with our friends when a crazy man walked up to us and demanded we start dancing. We both said no and he demanded that we dance because he had put fifty cents in the jukebox just to see us dance. He then grabbed Liza and I called security and told him that it took a lot more than fifty cents for dancing to happen! One thing we have learned is that if there is a crazy person in the room, they will gravitate to Liza and me! It always happens!!! Bible!!!

Liza has always had a great sense of style. Liza and I have both taken our fashion risks and we have had our winners and our losers. Here are some of my favorite Liza fashion moments. Liza has always been in favor of a fitted t shirt. I have many time accused Liza of wearing a childs sized t shirt. I mean fitted!! And my favorite Liza t shirt is the deep V!! Liza showed up for a fun night in a deep V and then a rosarie necklace to boot!! It was fabulous!! And quite a conversation starter!! The talk of the night!! That's my Liza! Liza has also sported such famous looks as the turban, the bolero wrap, a half zip pullover, glitter pants, and then there's my favorite look, DRAG!!! I had the opportunity to see Liza do drag under the name of Oopsie Daisy many years ago. The outfit was stunning, but the choreography was a little sketchy. At one point Liza went for a pole jump followed by a swingaround, but on the slide down he hit his booty on a chair. Ouch!! Then after the dismount, his left stiletto got really unstable and some stumbling ensued. As an always supportive friend, I shouted "steady your stiletto!! steady your stiletto!!" I'm sure Liza could also write a whole section on my fashion dares, such as fashion scarves (which I love!!), vests, sporty kicks, and all of my hair styles!!! Enough said!!

Liza and I got to work together at the Gap before it closed in Waterloo. What fun we had there!! Liza and I would communicate via our headsets, which no one could hear. Later the headsets went just to the walkie and my walkie was always on with maximum volume!! On a famous day, my walkie clicked to life and our manager announced that she and Liza were eating donuts and drinking coffee in the office and would be out on the sales floor soon. Because my volume was maxed out everyone in the store heard it loud and clear!! Classic. Liza was also not afraid to send bossy, rude Asian women to the back of the line when they tried to cut in front of everyone else and yell prices in their face. A famous moment was the woman that Liza shouted the price at. From across the store I hear "4.25!!!". I then said in my headset that I couldn't hear him up front, thinking my sarcasm was obvious. Oh no. Liza shouts even louder "4.25!!!!!" It became our schtick to yell that price point whenever it came up on the register which was actually quite often!

I could go on forever about Sass and Liza. We have had some incredible moments in our friendship and they continue to happen!! We are two forces of nature that bring the perfect storm whenever we go somewhere. Liza was with me for the infamous episode only known as Bee. Before the Stuffed Olive was open, that building was the Cypress Lounge. We always called it the mafia bar because of the shag carpet on the floor and walls, and the candles on the tables. On one of our visits to the Cypress, I ran into the character that is Bee. Let me describe Bee in a nutshell. Built like a small man (flat butt, beer belly, mullet haircut, glasses, much like a good lesbian!). Liza sat down at our table wearing a turban and I went to order a drink. On my way back to the table I encountered Bee standing in front of me. Bee was intoxicated so I couldn't understand what she was saying, but I finally figured out that she was accusing me of stealing twenty dollars from her. She thought I picked up a $20 bill off of the floor. I tried to pass and she would not let me. People at the bar were starting to place their bets for the face off. The situation was going nowhere so my plan was to put my leg behind her and push her so she would topple over and I would then run. In her intoxicated state she would have gone down easily. Liza, however, sat and watched the whole scene unfold. Thanks Liza!! I finally passed by Bee and went to our table, even though she was shouting that I was a thief. After that night, I figured I would never see this person again. Wrong. Dead wrong. Months later some friends were hanging at the Blue Room Lounge and invited me over. I went and when the bartender showed her face, it was, guess who....Bee!!! She basically refused to serve me. Ok Drama.. Then I ran into her at Kum n Go and she proceeded to tell the manager to keep an eye on me as I have been known to steal! Drama again. I have half a mind at this point to just give her $20 so she will shut up, but I have my pride!!!

I really think that this friendship has the potential for a reality show. Liza and Sass!! Or... Sass and Liza!!! Yes, definitely Sass and Liza!! I hope you have enjoyed a little glimpse into our world. There will be more stories to come! Peace..

Two Legendary Grandmothers

With the recent passing of both of my grandmothers I would like to just reflect on what makes them both so great! This post may be a little on the serious side for me, but you will find some things to laugh about and maybe relate to your own families. So here is a little journey into the world of my grandmothers.

My Grandma Brandsgard lived to the age of 90 and during those years lived a very active and dedicated life. She was active in her church serving almost every funeral and helping with the alter guild. She also volunteered at the hospital snack bar and played cards with all of her girlfriends. She was constantly on the go and busy with family and friends, because she liked to talk (sound like anyone else you all know?). She was a hard worker who never wanted to bother anyone so she did things she shouldn't do all by herself. Grandma many times was known to be outside in a snowstorm shoveling her own snow because she couldn't wait until my parents got down to her house! A neighbor even called my mother once because the temperature was 20 below and she was outside shoveling!! She also was known to clean her own gutters on a ladder at the age of 85. My parents at one point finally took her ladder away as she kept working on it. I once attempted to hang her Christmas wreath on her garage for her and she told me to get down because the ladder was too unstable and rickety. So she proceeded to climb the ladder and hang the wreath herself!!! It was crazy, but that's who she was.

Grandma Brandsgard was also very frugal to a fault. She never wanted to spend any money and would use a dishrag until it literally fell apart before replacing it. My parents bought she and Grandpa new Christmas lights, cords, etc. one year for Christmas because all of the lights had spliced together cords with exposed electrical wiring that had been twisted together!! They were fine according to Grandma. To save on the heat bill we would always find Grandma cuddled on her recliner chair watching an Iowa Hawkeyes game with a winter coat on and a blanket! We would comment that her house was too cold, but she said it was fine while wearing the coat! I have not carried on that trait as all of my friends know!

My Grandma Hansen could be described as sassy, feisty, and in your face (also sound familiar to someone you all know?). She would say exactly what was on her mind and to whom, tact be damned! She was always the person that would say what everyone else was thinking, but didn't dare say out loud. She was very active as a nature lover and Isaac Walton Association member. She loved all things nature and had a flair for anything Western. Boots, horseshoes, horses, the whole nine yards!

Grandma Hansen had a knack for gift giving, many times giving gifts that either made no sense or were simply unknown. To name a few gems, I received a bootjack one year which I didn't even know existed. The idea is to use the bootjack to remove your cowboy boots (which I never wear!). Last year my brothers and I all received a bottle of vinegar with a book on the many uses of vinegar. Ok?? My younger brother received a car model... The next year he received the same model... And the following year... Some gifts still remain shrouded in mystery to this day!! The thought was always there, but the relevance...

I have shared so many stories of both of my Grandmothers with my friends through the years that many friends feel like they know them both very well. These women showed me an example of hard work and dedication. They were both down to earth women who were very social and were usually surrounded by friends. They both lived very active lives right up until the end. If I live to 90 I want to live just like they did! I love them both very much and will miss them in my life! Thanks for sharing a little time with me and my legendary Grandmothers!!

Countdown to Liza!!!!

So even though I have a million things to work on tonight I have to pause and just enjoy the thought of going to see the iconic American legend that is Liza Minnelli in just a few weeks!!! Liza has provided me with many fond, crazy, and hysterical memories. She is an entertainer, award winner, survivor, and an enduring celebrity for the ages.

My Liza memories began when I met my dear friend Bryant Duffy who at that time looked like Liza. Bryant had the classic Liza haircut: short and dark with points!! Bryant also had the bone structure of a younger, more fit Liza (before her days at Promises!!). Bryant's nickname instantly became Liza as he is a bit of a diva himself and a veteran of the stage!! Bryant also has the same problem that Liza has had for years (not the drugs & booze!). People like to call him Bryan with an N not Bryant with a T! Cuz Bryan with an N goes nnnn not tttt!!! Coincidence or what???

My next very fond memory of Liza was her hilarious role on Arrested Development, Lucille 2. Lucille 2 was frenemies with Lucille Bluth and started dating Lucille's son Buster after meeting him at the Daytime Desi Awards. Buster forgot to wear his glasses that fateful day and only knew Lucille 2 as a "brownish area...with points!" As Buster's mother Lucille stated, "he doesn't even know what she looks like!" Oh, and Lucille 2 also had severe vertigo! Liza was fabulous in this role and stated on Inside the Actors Studio that she even did her own stunts!

Liza's next big appearance was at the 2008 Tony Awards where she won a Tony for her special concert Liza's at the Palace. Liza came out during the opening medley singing with her signature vibrato (described by one onlooker as the car that wouldn't turn over!). Liza stayed on stage for the finale sharing the space with the cast from Hair!! Doubly fabulous!!

Liza launched a clothing line on HSN called of course, the Liza Collection!! Liza was interviewed about the collection and she stated that "clothes are our dance partners in life." As she dangles a pair of her black jazz pants Liza says, "Wanna dance?" The line includes jewelry, scarves, and various fashion pieces such as her sequins cami & jacket combo and her silk blouse with side tie. Liza's HSN appearance is classic Liza as she instructs the models how to pose and work the clothes. It's all available on Youtube for your viewing pleasure, but do remember that "fashion is passion!"

Liza made a fantastic appearance on Kathy Griffin's D List show. Liza provided acting coaching for Kathy's guest spot on Law & Order: SVU. As Liza states, "It's not the how, but the why." Liza gives Kathy her infectious & loud laugh and gets caught smoking with no ashtray in sight! In the end, Liza is a true professional and helps Kathy get prepared. Liza has also done some crazy interviews on Oprah, Larry King, and Joy Behar just to name a few. She delivers humor on her life as only Liza can do!!

So as you can see, my love affair with Liza has lasted for many years. Liza has proven to be a survivor as life throws it's punches! She has had both a hip replacement & knee surgery, but still dances! She survived growing up with the roller coaster life that was Judy Garland. She even survived that ridiculous wedding to David Guest! I can't wait until October 29th when Bryant and I will go see Liza in concert! Here's to you Liza with a Z!!!!

Why I still love Oprah!!!

Ok, so yesterday Oprah did a whole show about the upcoming documentary "Waiting for Superman". The documentary is about the current state of public education, with emphasis on all of the problems. I was upset after the show because they only featured stories and scenes that showed public education in a negative light. Only once did Oprah say that there are many good teachers and schools out there. Would it hurt to have a show featuring outstanding teachers and schools??? Let's show what wonderful things are happening in public education too! And let's not forget the role that homes and parents play in the problems of public education!!! After I was done cursing Oprah's name I sat back and remembered why I like Lady O. Oprah has given me some really memorable moments through the years and here are just some of the highlights.

I am first of all a longtime fan of all of the Oprahs. Big hair Oprah, fat Oprah, thin Oprah, shoulder pads Oprah, loud Oprah, classy Oprah, ghetto Oprah, spiritual Oprah, goddess Oprah, political Oprah, lesbian Oprah, and favorite things Oprah. I love all of the Oprahs each on their own. Oprah is truly a chameleon that changes her look and demeanor with the seasons. I will never forget the episode when Oprah wheeled out all of that fat in bags on wagons!!! Sadly, she did not stay that skinny Oprah for long and continued to yo-yo through the years. I think chunky Oprah is a much more pleasant person. Speaking on behalf of the supermodels, we are very cranky people when we are hungry!!! Oprah learned that lesson and came down from that cloud real fast!! Good girl O!!! I also love classy vs. ghetto Oprah. She will start a statement super classy and then immediately turn it into "you know what I mean girlfriends??" It's fabulous!!!

Another reason I love Oprah are those Favorite Things episodes. First of all, it doesn't even matter what she is giving away, the crowd goes buck wild!!!! My favorite cookieeeeeeeeees!!!! (Wild crowd noise!!!!) Or my favorite muffin paaaaaaaaaaan!!!! (Insanity!!). Her best giveaways were probably the car and the diamond necklace (I think someone actually fainted this time!!! And some woman kept yelling "Thank you Jesus, I mean Oprah!!!) I truly wonder how many of those products have sold because they were Oprah's favorite things!! I admit buying a book because it was her BOOK CLUB SELECTIONNNNNNN!!!!!!! What power this woman has??!!

I love Oprah because she's not afraid of anything!! She has interviewed sex offenders when she was herself abused as a child. She has interviewed Ku Klux Clan members and racists as a black woman. She moved her whole show to Texas while being sued by beef producers (though that may have been a publicity stunt that worked!!). She has never been afraid to tackle any issue or bring on anyone controversial. Props for that Oprah!!

My favorite reason for loving Oprah, which has given me hours of enjoyment is........wait for it.......you know what it is..........the Oprah VOICE!!!!!!!! Can anyone shout out a word like Lady O!!?? Never!! JOHN TRAVOLTAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! There will be lots of caps and exclamation points in this paragraph FYI. I think I first heard the voice on a favorite things episode when Oprah gave out her favorite SWEATERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! It was an instant love affair for me!! I was hooked. TOM CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUISE!!!!! WHITNEY HOUSTONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!! Only Oprah could lend that voice to a book title and bring it so much energy like last week's FREEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!! I have no idea what possessed her to use that overly loud, dramatic voice for the first time (maybe her acid reflux was acting up, or better yet, it was Gayle's idea!!), but I LOVE IT!!!!!

So, some final thoughts. I have enjoyed my many faces of Oprah through the years and will miss her when her show is done. My one regret is that I never become her friend, because they all get shows (Dr. Phil, Gayle King, Rachel Ray, Nate Berkus). Oh well, maybe I can just get a job at her school in Africa!! In the words of the incredible Oprah Winfrey, "words are energy!" Tootles everyone!

Liza with a Z!!

What a week it has been!! The drama all began last weekend with a visit from my dear friend Liza aka Lucille 2 aka Bryant Duffy! We decided to go shopping for the day in Des Moines and got to have lunch with the Matt Ford family! They are a delightful bunch and we had a blast!! Liza picked up the usual, VERY fitted t shirts!! I would dare say he bought a childs size medium!! Liza likes em fitted!! I picked up some essentials: shoes and some fashion tops. Just what I needed, some new clothes!! It's hard to keep up in this world people!!! Being fashionable is like a fulltime job and requires keeping up on trends and taking fashion risks!! This is starting to sound like the survey I took on the Buckle webpage!! Potential employees have to take a survey all about work and fashion! Very leading questions like: do your friends ask you for fashion tips??? YES!!! or are you afraid to take fashion risks?? NO!!! It was a great survey!!

Liza and spent last Saturday night out and about in downtown Cedar Falls. We both love the atmosphere of Cedar Falls downtown and started at the Stuffed Olive! The evening took an unexpected turn when a bachelorette party showed up full of moms from Shell Rock!!! The last thing teachers really want to do when they go out is run into parents from their school. We were soon bombarded with moms who were actually very fun!! We all toasted the bride and they left on their bus for another destination. Liza and I next stopped at the Voodoo Lounge and met up with our dear friend Shrew aka Julie Lein. I am still hoping that Julie will go as Sue Sylvester for Halloween!! All she needs is her track suit and she's good to go!!!

Sunday involved a trip home to Humboldt to the parents and the christening of their Ms. Pac-man machine!! Uh huh, they bought a full-sized machine and put it in their basement. It is only like my favorite video game of all time!!! As a child, I would take my paper route money.......I'm pausing for some of you to get that picture....I would take my paper route money over to the local Pamida store and spend it all playing Ms. Pac-man!!! It was good times.. I developed mad skills and now can easily score over 100,000 points in one game!! Without saying too much, I did have the high score at College Square Mall for months. The visit home was lots of fun and the Ms. Pac-man was amazing!!

The week has gone by surprisingly fast and school is definitely back in session!!! Kids have lots of energy and it can be downright exhausting teaching all day!!! This week really hit me by Friday!! Thursday night was back-to-school night at one of my buildings which is always a full night!! Isn't it a real eye-opener when you get to meet the kiddos parents!!?? Enough said.. Friday started off with a bang as my friend and colleague Charissa went to the emergency room and gave birth to her twins that same day!!! The babies are eight weeks early, but things are looking good!

Some closing thoughts. I so enjoyed the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion show!!! Those ladies know how to bring it!!! I think the DC housewives should watch New Jersey and take notes. I am sick of reading lame status updates on Faceplace!!! People need to get creative!! I am also tired of overly dramatic status updates on Faceplace!! Some things just shouldn't be shared to everyone! People need to filter!!! Lastly, as I am watching reruns of Will & Grace, I am just channeling my inner Karen Walker. What's this, what's going on here, what's this all about??? LOVE HER!!!

Happy week everyone!!

Don't Let the Clothes Wear You!!

So let's talk about one of my favorite topics, fashion!!!! I am inspired by the Emmy Awards to discuss some iconic trends and looks in fashion. I am so enjoying the return of 80's fashion as some of us have lived through it the first time!!! Those were the days of acid washed jeans that were tight rolled up with scrunchy socks to boot!! The tighter the rolls the better!! Then we had those big, bulky sweaters and the girls ones were placed over a pairs of leggings or stirrup pants. Shoes were either plain flats, or high top tennies. But the best part was the hair!!! The boys were enjoying the mullet complete with curls in the back!! My younger brother rocked this look for quite sometime until with the help of the Buckle girls, we were able to talk him into cutting them!! The girls hair was BIG, BIG, BIG!!! BIG bangs in the front that were hairsprayed up like a large brick wall!! BIG side wings that were blown out by the hairdryer and then hairsprayed out for even more width!! Then the rest of the hair was ratted out with a fashion comb and hairsprayed out every which way. BIG I say!! Those were the days..

In the 90's I went through a serious International Male phase that really wasn't all that flattering. This looks included lots of synthetic fabrics and polyblends, vests, and pleated pants. GROSS, GROSS, and GROSS!! The best detail about the vests is they usually had a tapestry like design on them like a world map or a musical tableau. Classy I know! The shirts were that pirate style with puffy sleeves, pleats, and sometimes ruffles!! I know, I know!! Then there were the matching shoes, complete with details like buckles or a coin on the top! Silk and rayon really were my best friends!! I will say, I still love a good vest no matter what anyone says!

My next phase started when I began working at the Buckle at the age of 6. The Buckle does have the best fitting jeans (we can fit 85% of all body types!). I got rid of the International Male look and morphed into my Buckle look. I have to tell you though that the Buckle has had it's share of interesting looks through the years. In my early Buckle years Tommy Hilfiger was very big including the jeans with the Tommy Tommy Tommy sidetaping down the side of the leg. Then there were the JNCO jeans which ranged from a 30 inch bottom opening to a King Kong 60 inch bottom opening. Those were so big they were too heavy to hang on a hanger!! Those trends passed as they all should and now the trend seems to be glitz, glam, and bling!! All the jeans have very glitzy pocket detail and are definitely fashion pieces.

I would like to end by saluting some classic looks throughout the years (some that were even worn by lots of my favorite people!!) My friend Liza has been known to rock the bolero wrap jacket and sometimes his famous deep V t shirt that is quite a conversation starter. My Buckle manager friend Angela was known to wear a very trendy barrette in her hair!! That is until our crazy Buckle friend Heather Wolf told her they weren't in style anymore!! Rude I know!! My Buckle friend Rex usually rocks a pair of black socks pulled up to his mid-calf with carpenter shorts. In the words of Tim Gunn, "that's a lot of look!" Our dear friend Heather Wolf also rocked an outfit consisting of a black top, black capri pants, a pink bolero wrap, and black chunky shoes! The sad part is she had to ride the bus to work and then wear that outfit to boot!! Her comment was "sometimes you gotta go places where you shouldn't be seen, wearing things you shouldn't be wearing!" Heather!! The Buckle has seen it's share of fashion disasters walk thrtough our doors that we try to rescue. Everything from jeans that are too tight (and I mean tight!), to the jeans that are too loose and sag (boxer shorts included!). We see plenty of 80's hair still alive and well in the Midwest, too much make up, people who need make up, Bosnian girls who look like a Eurotrash version of Madonna, too much cologne!, jeans that are too high on the ankle, jeans that are dragging on the ground, t shirts that are way too tight!, ghetto sweat suits, bad piercings, goth, t shirts with vulgar messages, ponchos, and finally fanny packs. We decided a long time ago at the Buckle that we are not only selling clothes, but we are changing people's lives by selling them a complete new look to replace the tired one they walked in with!!

I love fashion both do's and don'ts. Be true to yourself and be careful out there!!

That's Not My Name!!

As I posted on faceplace earlier, my week started off with the usual bang. I drove to Coralville on Sunday to pick up handchimes as part of my duties on the state handbell committee. I stopped into the Banana Republic store to say hi to one of my oldest and dearest friends, Liza. Liza (Bryant) is also known as Lucille 2 for you Arrested Development fans. That makes me Lucille Bluth!! Anyway, Liza was not working so I asked the manager to just tell him that Aaron, or Sass, stopped by to say hello. Liza called me on Monday to follow up and it went like this. The manager told Liza that a friend had stopped in named Sally??? Sally?? Who's Sally?? Liza said he had no friends named Sally and she insisted that was my name. Liza asked her to describe the mystery person and she said he was short, blonde, and had a real "swish" to his walk. Liza immediately said, "Oh, Sass!" In all my years on this earth I've never been told my walk had a "swish". Whatever Banana Republic manager. I do feel very akin to that hit song by the Ting Ting's "That's Not My Name." They call me Sally, they call me Jane. That's not my name...... You get the picture.

Speaking of names, let me just share some great, classic moments involving my name. One of my favorite words to use at school is fiddlesticks. I use it in place of other words we cannot use at school even though we want to badly. It's a great fill in word!! Anywhoo, a student came to school one day and I was at my other building. He proceeded to ask the band director "Where is Fiddlesticks?? Is Fiddlesticks here??" The band director responded saying she didn't know who that was. He said, that crazy music teacher and all was solved. Fiddlesticks!! I do, however, enjoy my young students who cannot always pronounce full words correctly and call me Mr. Handsome at school! I'll take it wherever I can get it!!

After many years of dedicated service at The Buckle, my name has also been an issue there as well! One of my favorite customers at the store is an older gentleman named Rex. Rex and I go way back as he used to come visit me at Hy-Vee in college and many times bring me "gifts" like a half-eaten candy bar, or a soda that has been refilled!! I know, gross!! Needless to say, I always had to throw his "gifts" away!! Rex has a classic look, usually a t shirt, long denim shorts, black socks pulled up to his mid-calf, and big shoes. Rex also walks with a slight limp so you can spot him a mile away! In all the years I've known Rex, he still calls me Eric, even though in all of my many jobs I've always worn a nametag that clearly says Aaron!! People just don't care!! They're going to do whatever they want to do.. Then there is our Buckle district manager PAT WRIGHT, who didn't know my real name for almost 7 years!! I was hired back as seasonal help (no comments are necessary!) and the manager, Angela told PAT WRIGHT that she had hired Aaron back to the store and he responded who?? Angela proceeded to say my name again, try to describe me, and so on.. No luck, PAT WRIGHT did not know who I was. Angela finally said she was hiring Sass back as seasonal and PAT WRIGHT said "Oh yes, definitely hire Sass back. I don't know about this Aaron person." Ding Dong!! That's my name!! They call me girl.. That's not my name.. I really like that song. By the way, I type PAT WRIGHT's name in all caps because when you call his Buckle voicemail, his name is yelled at a very loud level compared to the rest of the recorded message. You know what I'm talking about. It says, "you have reached the voicemail of PAT WRIGHT!" It's really obnoxious, but it happens.

I have also been mistakenly called Spaz, amongst other things that I will not get into at this point. And then if we want to go way old school, there's always Attitudes. That goes all the way back to my college days. I still hear it now and again and it literally stops me in my tracks!! So, I'm sort of rambling today, but it really is all in the name. Sass.. Kiki.. Attitudes.. Kim.. Paris.. Sorceress.. Lucille.. Steel Princess.. Alexis.. You can see, I answer to many callings.. Tootles!!

Sin Cities, Warren, and Friends

What a week it has been!! I spent Sunday and Monday with the parents in Okoboji. The weather was horrible, but we made the best of things and had a great time, including a rowdy game of miniature golf (my mother can drop some swear words geez)! It is amazing to me the amount of money that is up at Okoboji. The lakefront homes are outrageously oversized and expensive!!! My parents have a place about two blocks off of the lake and it is nice enough, but the lake homes.....out of control I tell ya!! I returned to Cedar Falls on Tuesday and then off to the Sin Cities aka Minneapolis/St. Paul to visit two of my college besties, Stephen Sporer (Blanche) and Todd Slack (Rose). I hope you got those Drop Dead Gorgeous and Golden Girls references!!

Todd, Stephen, and I have been friends for many years dating all the way back to marching band camp at UNI and yes, things really do happen at band camp!! Good times.. Needless to say, when friendships run this deep, everyone knows everything about everyone!! The fourth person in this group is Peter Adamson who lives in New York City. Stephen and I ran up north of the city to visit our friends Brett and David who have recently bought a house in the burbs. The house was beautiful and we had a great visit! Next stop was the Chatterbox in St. Paul to eat and meet Todd and his roomate Lynn. Little did we know it was kareoke night at the Chatterbox. We ordered our drinks and were soon distracted by bad, out of tune, or as they say on American Idol "pitchy" singing. However, in Minnesota people applaud loudly for bad singing, and even cheer! We were soon mesmorized by a certain singer performing Lady Gaga's Bad Romance complete with Gaga-esque choreography. This was the type of person that our group would usually attract into our space FYI. Later in the evening Gaga actually approached our table and introduced himself to me as Warren and we hit it off. While Warren and I were chatting he shared with me his id and I soon discovered that he was a ripe 22 years old. This is always a comical topic in our group of friends as I seem to attract the younger generation (mostly they approach me for the record and does this make me a cougar??!) As Warren and I were chatting, everyone else at the table had what I would call the church giggles. I assumed that the laughter was just because of the age thing, but it got much juicier!! The giggling was actually due to the fact that Stephen had been chatting earlier with Warren on Grinder and neither one of them recognized the other!! Grinder is a phone app that allows you to check in and see who else is close to you in proximity. It also allows you to chat, etc.. What's more interesting is that Stephen didn't realize that Warren was at our table, until Lynn pointed out that the picture on Grinder and the person at our table were indeed one and the same!! I was over the giggling and called everyone out and then the Grinder details came out which left an awkward silence at the table. There were so many classic elements at work during this encounter. The young caller comes over to me. I get all the attention and not my friend (we both like attention!), and the online chitter chatter (which my friend is famous for!) Needless to say, Todd and Lynn were still laughing! Warren and I stepped outside for a bit to break the silence. According to Warren, he was intimidated by our table and wasn't going to approach at all. His plan was to hand me a beverage napkin with his name, number, and note that simply said "text me". I told him if he was bold enough to try that Gaga performance, why on earth would he be scared of our table!!

The Minnesota trip continued with a trip up to Duluth with Stephen and then back to the Cities for one more night out! Oh, and by the way we saw the movie Eat Pray Love with Julia Roberts! Great movie about life and love.. Go see it if you get a chance! Oh, and I also had the chance to run over to the University of St. Thomas and see the Orff share for the teacher training courses. It was so awesome to see my teachers and see what the Orff students created during their two weeks! I finished my Twin Cities time with a night out at Toast wine bar where Todd works and then the Saloon.

Back in Cedar Falls on Saturday and off to a bbq with good friends from Cedar Falls. I've decided that when people ask me what year I graduated from CF (I graduated from Humboldt High School, Go Wildcats!!), I'm just going to say I was the foreign exchange student, maybe from Finland?.. Anyway, the bbq was awesome with lots of food, beverages, and children!! Just what we teachers need right before school starts! I did, however, hold my first baby! I'll be honest, I'm not about babies and certainly don't hold them! I have to say, holding that little Milo was great and he was so wonderful!! Maybe I'll adopt one from Africa like Brad & Angelina or Madonna!? Hmmm?? Food for thought..

I'd like to close with some final thoughts. First of all, I'm irritated that Rachel was voted out of the Big Brother house. As annoying as she was with her hair extensions, bad outfits, and ridiculous laugh; she did bring a great amount of drama to the show. Rachel, you'll be missed. Next, I can't get enough of the Kardashian drama! I so enjoy Kourtney's lazy boyfriend Scott, and then there's Kris, the mom and those sunglasses!! Good thing the new season starts this week! I will also openly admit that I have to watch Jersey Shore. It's so tragic on so many levels, but also so juicy!! Go get em Snooki!! More blogging to come, but until then teacher friends good luck with the start of the school year!! Tootles

The Reunion!!

I will preface this blog by stating that I was out tonight with friends and had two gin and sevens and one liquid cocaine shot. Should make things nice and juicy!!

So the weekend highlight was my class reunion. I always wonder what makes people anxious about their class reunions?? Could it be the people that you never talked to in high school and still don't talk to staring at you across the room? Could it be the physical changes that happen as time goes by i.e. loss of hair, weight gain, sagging? Could it be the judging people that judged you all during high school and continue to judge? Or the judging people from high school who are now janitors at Hardees. Or the really geeky kid who now works for the FBI or NASA or some other organization that has an acronym? Could it be wondering who will show up at all? Could it be seeing who has turned into the biggest trainwreck? Could it be seeing who has the cutest spouse/significant other? So many questions. I admit, I was a little self conscious about going to the reunion myself. I am not the same size that I was in high school and time does change things. I think we all reflect a bit before a class reunion.

When we got to the class reunion (we meaning my high school bestie Lisa and her husband Steve) we were pleasantly greeted by two alums, Stacy Heim Kraft and Annee Hood. Both ladies are bubbly and fun (just like in hs) and were great greeters! We walked in with another alum, Robin Perry who now has striking blonde hair (physical change), but also looked great! We immediately started chatting with various classmates and catching up with their lives. It was really great to see classmates mingling all night, and never seeing high school cliques!! What a new idea!! I think I was able to talk to almost every one of my classmates and I truly enjoyed that! It was a great reunion!

So let's start the breakdown. It was clear from the get go that my dear friends Melissa and Tammy had started drinking before the rest of us and were clearly lit by the start of the reunion. I would not judge as I've been that person a million times over believe me!! They were great fun and we all did a shot in honor of our classmate Moose and even took a picture as she requested exactly who was to do the shots. Miss ya Moose!! Other absent classmates included Andy Lenning (in Okoboji), Kent Clendenen (in Humboldt), Trista Kleve (in Florida), and many others. All in all we had a great turn out! So who was the trainwreck?? That title goes to my friend Erik Falck. Erik had clearly had enough and was having fun come hell or highwater! This included lots of fabulous comments and lots of grabbing asses. There's gotta be one right?? At least there was no throwing up or passing out, slapping or punching (like the 5 year) which is more than I can say for Friday night when a crew went out to the Knotty Pine (non-Humboldt folks you heard me right, the Knotty Pine)!! Erik had two unforgettable moments for me during the evening. During the class picture he kept reaching across me to grab onto Paula Eackoff and I scolded him and placed his hands on his lap and later he was trying to grab the ass of DeDee Merris and I scolded him then as well.

I brought all three of my high school yearbooks to peruse throughout the evening. It was great to see lots of very ratted out hair, sweaters, and very interesting senior picture backgrounds. Remember, the tall wicker chair, the directors chair, the laser lights, the always classic outdoors shot, and various other back drops which is what they were. And don't forget shoulder pads!! Thank God we have all evolved and I have no real fashion blunders to report!! I was actually amazed at how wonderful everyone really looked!! There were plenty of glitzy jeans, fashion tops, cleavage, and wedge shoes to go on forever, but the favorites of the night: Traci Torkelson's pink shoes, Lisa David's gold sequins purse, Annee Hood's black skirt, and Amy Peterson's semi-glitzy top. Cute! Cute! Cute!

So after hours of talking, drinking, eating, and gossiping, we were ready to have a nightcap including the famous Pasquales pizza made to order at the famous Knotty Pine! We soon found out from a classmate that there was no one at the Pine and they decided to close down for the night!! On a Saturday! Only in a small town! So the pizza idea was shot, what do we do?? Traci Torkelson suggests we visit the new bar/dance club (which is still hard to believe in Humboldt) called The Prowler! I had no longer heard the name and knew we had to go! The "club" had a semi-dance floor and very little space. As we walked in they had Kareoke. As I went to get a songbook, the bartender informed me that too many people were here now so both workers had to be behind the bar and the Kareoke was shut down. Fine, we'll dance!! The dance floor was priceless! As we started dancing, the bubble and light machines started up! They were actually fantastic! We had proceeded to have a dance-off with another class reunion group.. The evening ended with the sound of an air horn (not kidding!). That means last call. We kept talking of course, and again the air horn. We continued chatting and the air horn happened a third time! At this point, Lisa's husband has had it and says we will leave before that ******* horn sounds again. We leave.

I just want to say to my classmates that I had the best time seeing everyone and catching up! I feel that our class is very special and everyone is a valuable part of the entire picture! Can't wait until the next reunion! Thanks for the memories! Read the blog!

Like Sands Through the Hourglass

So I am currently at home watching a little Days of Our Lives because it is so HOT outside, and in classic Days fashion Hope is trying to murder Bo with a big knife!! She is behaving like a raving lunatic as a side effect of her "sleeping pills". Is that the usual side effect when taking sleeping pills??? I've never taken those so I don't know, but it is not one of the side effects they share on the commercials! Why can't she do what everyone does on the soaps and just become an addict and hide the pills in a piano bench like Nikki did on The Young and The Restless!! Oh wait, Nikki's addiction was both pain killers and vodka!! Whatever! This shouldn't surprise me in the least as Days has played out such famous plotlines as Marlena possessed by the devil, Carly buried alive by Vivian ("paradise to hell, paradise to hell!!"), Hope is blown away over a vat of acid only to return years later at Maison Blanche as "Gina", Marlena becomes a serial killer and kills various cast members only they aren't really dead, but on a remote island I suppose owned by Stefano. Speaking of, Stefano has come back from the dead too many times to count!! Well anyway, the soaps certainly are entertaining.

Since summertime is winding down and school is on the horizon, my friend Aaron "Power Ranger" and I walked downtown last night for summertime cocktails. In case you are wondering, he is called "Power Ranger" because he used to wear a Power Ranger suit to school which I am still trying to picture. Anywhoo, as we walked down Main Street, some runners blew past us in those disgusting onion skin shorts. I assume those shorts are like good for runners for some reason, but seriously they are gross. Any shorts or pants that can breeze open to expose things are not a good thing. It reminds me of watching my Level III movement teacher demonstrate a catlike motion while rolling on the ground. She was wearing pants that were like those onion skin shorts and the pants opened as she rolled. It was a near peesh sighting!!

As we enjoyed our cocktails, I spotted some of my former students also out for the evening. This is becoming a more frequent event as I get older and so do they. However, as I thought about it I decided that just because they are old enough to go out around town doesn't mean I have to stay home.. Teachers don't have to be boring folks with no fashion sense to boot!! We can be fun and hip as well as educated people. The point is, it was very nice to chat with my students and know that they are doing well.

Time to close as Bo has now handcuffed Hope to a chair and is figuring out the pills are the cause of her erratic behavior. Genius!! Oh, and the fact that she has mugged bunches of men in Salem also because of the pills!! Where can we get these pills!!?? Tootles!

The FARM!!!!!

The FARM!!!! Where to begin??? So a group of friends were all invited to travel to our dear friend Ben Fox's family farm over the weekend for some friend time. The cast includes: Foxy (Ben Fox), Omarosa (Adam Clark), Mike Tyer, Keith, Chris K., Corey (facebook friend), John Hayes, Nick H., and myself! But that's not all!!! There were surprise guests at the farm!! We'll get to that in a minute. You might also notice that some people in the cast list get a nickname. Just terms of affection of course! I carpooled to the farm with the one and only Omarosa (Adam Clark). Adam earned the Omarosa name after an infamous evening out. I saw Adam at an establishment and he talked to me with that look that says, "do I know you?" I shrugged that conversation off, until five minutes later when he asked me if I had just arrived, as if we had not spoken before! As I tried to understand what was up with him, he explained that earlier in the night he was struck on the head by a piece of sound equipment and should go to the hospital (just like when Omarosa was struck on the head by a piece of plaster on the Apprentice and refused to work on the team project for the rest of the day!!) Anyway, he's been my Omarosa ever since! So Omarosa and I took off for the farm and I immediately noticed a beeping sound in his vehicle that kept happening. I asked him what that sound meant and he replied that every time the car got too close to the center line or crossed over it the beep would act as a warning. I'm just going to say that the beep occurred for almost the entire trip!!

So we arrived at the farm only to discover that all of Ben's family were present for a family bbq. Ben has three brothers who are truly Iowa boys, one sister-in-law, and some nieces and a nephew. I couldn't quite read the brothers thought bubbles as Adam and I arrived, but i can only imagine. I can cause quite a stir almost anywhere just by showing up, but the true Midwest boys take special notice of me. Maybe it was the extra big white sunglasses, the outfit, or just the walk, but the Sass is on and the Iowa boys just observe! Soon enough everyone else arrived and we quickly went for a walk to discuss the whole situation and the cast involved. Down by the river we ran into the nieces who are my favorite age to deal with, 11-14 year olds. They are that sassy bunch of gurls like the ones at school who can be very mean to you if you let them. I have to say the nieces were very nice and we all got along great!

We settled into the house which is the typical Iowa farm house complete with lots of holy icons and fox figurines!! I tried to put just one figurine in my pocket as a take home, but Ben made me put it back. My favorite detail of the whole house was the wallpaper border. The heating pipes had been wallpapered also and the border on the pipes was very carefully lined up with the border on the wall itself for a seamless look!! Only in Iowa or maybe the Bible belt can you find such attention to detail! I didn't even know that they still sold wallpaper borders!

We enjoyed a great night of that bag toss game (which Nick and I won every match!), good food, cocktails, and great conversation with Ben and his father. Aside from the wicked mosquitoes, the weather was great and sitting outside in the summer was delightful! I think the quote if the night came when Corey asked one of Ben's nieces if she also lived on a farm. She answered yes, and he then asked her if she actually lived in a house...... As opposed to a what?? Igloo? Earth home?? Teepee??? Hive?? He's from the big city so the farm life is very foreign.

The poll question will be closing tonight so look for the final results and a new poll question will be up soon. Please post poll question suggestions on the blog or on my faceplace page!! Love to hear from everyone! Tootles!! Sass

The Hair Affair and the Straight Guys That Have Them!

To get things started, I am hoping more people will be voting on the poll question this week. The hairstyles have been in conversation for years. Most recently brought up at Sturgis Falls when I ran into a former student and her mother. After exchanging greetings etc.. the mother commented that she sees my name in the paper frequently (for music events of course!!) and likes to keep track of what I'm doing and what is going on with my hair!!! True story..

Moving right along, I am currently upset with all straight boys who chase after gay boys on the side. A friend of mine met a straight guy through a mutual friend and soon enough the straight guy got his number from the mutual friend. They have been texting, whatever.... Since nothing significant has happened between them yet, the straight guy turned my friend's number over to some more of his straight friends and now they are texting him!! Classy to say the least.. Mind you, these boys either have girlfriends or are just looking for some kind of tryst. On Oprah this was called DL (down low) behavior. I have seen it a thousand times and it's outrageous!!! Boys need to figure out what they want and not be shady.. Can we say peesh alert!!??

I watched an episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey last night and was shocked at the catfight that ensued when Ashley pulled Danielle's hair/weave! Now Danielle is pressing charges and the drama is on. Why am I watching this you ask??? It's like watching a soap.. It's a total escape from my regular chaotic life and it's just drama.. I have to say these New Jersey houswives are very mafia like and they sort of scare me!! I will stick with the real classy ladies from the OC and New York!! Well and then there are Kim and Ne Ne in Atlanta!! I have to say that I am annoyed by the new housewife on the OC, Alexis... She claims to be very religious and yet wears a hootchy dress to church!! Her comment is that you can be christian and pretty, but the question really is WWJD???? And to quote Edie Britt on Desperate Housewives, "everyone will be judging, it's church."

I am still deciding what my format will be for this blog so any suggestions are welcome. I will keep the poll questions going so offer suggestions. I will also be able to report on two great events in the next couple of weeks. First, I will be returning to the Buckle for one day only to help out for no sales tax weekend. That place is a hotbed of drama and stories. Second, I will be going home for my class reunion which will prove to be full of dramatic people.. Can't wait!! So keep the comments coming and let's get this blog up to over 100 followers. Then I can yell 100 FOLLOWERS in a loud Oprah voice.. Peace..

Let's Get It Started!!

Ok, so this blog is officially up and running so now what??? I started by doing some quick research by reading some other blogs.. Where to begin, but with the real housewives!! They seem to have this blogging thing down! Basically, they seem to write about their lives and what they are doing. Sounds easy right???

I was recently watching an episode of that show Hoarders and was shocked and appalled by these poor people!! First of all, when they went into the house, the door would not open because there was so much junk!! All of the rooms were basically not usable beacuse of the amount of random stuff piled up (irons, clothes, books, dead cats, children, etc....). One woman just slept on her books instead of move them!! Anyway, I decided right then that I don't care how much stuff I have to remove from my apartment (including clothes), I will not be on Hoarders!!! Those folks are truly scary!

Anyway, some blogs have poll questions on them for people to respond to. Please send in creative questions that I could use!! That could be fun!!

The summer is going by way to fast and very soon we will back to you know where!! I don't think I'm ready for that yet, but the good news is this will be my final year teaching in a strip mall! The new building is going up quickly and it will be very exciting to finally have a real school again! I am looking forward to a big classroom with lots of space to move.

So I am going to continue viewing blogs and adding to this one! Blogging would be a great discussion around a nice summertime fire with the Russells!! Hmm????

Sass

It's ON!!!!

Hi y'all!! So here goes the first of hopefully blogs for everyone to enjoy!! This is all new to me so cross your fingers!! Just enjoyed a great night of tv with some favorite shows. Starting out with Big Brother. As I posted on Facebook earlier, what is up with the dumb girl (Rachel) who ends up with the bossy guy (Brenden) and they end up like winning the whole season!! Then there's the super annoying Britney girl!! Whatever! On to True Blood, which is truly fabulous!!! Watch it!! SOOKIE!!! Anywhoo, this will be short as I am just getting this new adventure started. Please comment... Sass